Power of attorney can't be forced
It's entirely voluntary. A capable adult cannot be forced, tricked, or pressured into signing a power of attorney — they have to sign it willingly, while they still have the legal capacity to understand what they're giving up.
Capacity is a legal and clinical determination, not a family's judgment call. It generally means the person can understand what a power of attorney does, who they're naming, and the consequences of signing. A physician can assess and document capacity; an elder law attorney makes the final call on whether a signing can legally proceed.
If your parent still has capacity but is refusing
Refusal often comes from fear, pride, or distrust — not stubbornness for its own sake. Reframing the conversation sometimes helps more than repeating the request: presenting it as protecting their own wishes and independence (naming who they choose, on their terms, now) rather than the family taking control tends to land better than urgency or pressure.
An elder law attorney meeting directly with your parent — a neutral third party, not the adult child — can sometimes succeed where family conversation has stalled.
If capacity is already lost
Once capacity is already lost — for example, well into a dementia diagnosis — it's too late for a valid power of attorney to be signed. Courts do not honor a POA signed after capacity was already gone, even if the family believed it was in the person's best interest.
If capacity has already been lost and no power of attorney exists, guardianship(sometimes called conservatorship for financial matters, depending on the state) through the court is generally the only remaining legal path. A judge appoints someone — often a family member, but not automatically — to make decisions for the person, after the person's incapacity has been established, typically through a medical evaluation.
Why guardianship is worth avoiding if you still can
Guardianship is slower, more expensive, and more restrictive than a power of attorney would have been. It requires a court petition, formal notice to the person, typically an attorney (sometimes a court-appointed attorney for the person as well), a hearing, and ongoing court oversight afterward — including periodic reports back to the court. It's not a one-time paperwork fix.
Because of that, it's always worth having the power-of-attorney conversation as early as possible — ideally at the first sign of memory concerns, well before a dementia diagnosis progresses — rather than waiting until a crisis forces the guardianship path.
Virginia specifics
Guardianship (for personal/medical decisions) and conservatorship (for financial decisions) petitions are filed in the Circuit Court of the county where the incapacitated person lives. The process requires a certified evaluation of the person's capacity, and the court appoints a guardian ad litem to represent the incapacitated person's interests independently during the proceeding.
An elder law attorney can guide a family through this process. The Virginia State Bar's lawyer referral service, or a local Area Agency on Aging, can help locate one.